Little Red Neko Hood
by Bunny-chan2
Summary: Umm...Please don't kill me!! ^^;; I really enjoy life very, very much.


Little Red Neko Hood  
Author's note: Please don't kill me! I swear to God and the dissected pig Hubert that we worked on in Science today that I had a severe case of contemporary insanity/drunkeness while writing this. Really. *eyes shift* Swear. *coughs* Althought it might just have been a sugar high....  
  
WARNING: Well, not KIDDING it's gonna be at least a bit OOC....I mean, look at what I've done to the plot!!  
_____________________________________  
Little Red Neko Hood  
The Cast~  
  
Little Red Neko Hood : Kyo-kun  
  
Grandma: Shigure-san  
  
Little Red Neko Hood's Mommy: Yuki-kun  
  
Big Bad Wolf: Ayame-san  
  
Woodcutter: Hatori-san  
  
Narrator: Hatsuharu-san  
  
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Little Red Neko Hood  
____________________  
Haru: Once upon a time, there was a little girl--  
  
Kyo-kun: *death glare*  
  
Haru: *cough* BOY named Little Red Neko Hood. He was called this because he had this annoying pair of red cat ears that he always wore everywhere. He refused to take them off, so his kind and loving mommy sewed them to the hood of his cape so he could wear them everywhere.   
  
Kyo-kun: In case you haven't noticed, Haru-kun, the ears aren't RED. They're ORANGE. That may be a bit of a PROBLEM.  
  
Haru: Well what am I supposed to do?? It's not like I can change the title!!   
  
  
Little Orange Neko Hood  
_______________________  
Haru: Once upon a time, there was a little-- hold up, I'm getting the weirdest sense of deja vu here... ACK! What happened to the title????  
  
Kyo-kun: *whistles* Hey, if I have to be in this stupid damned story then I'm at least going to do it my way.  
  
*Haru utters a pathetic sigh of defeat*  
  
Haru: Alright, so Little ORANGE Neko Hood's grandma wasn't feeling well, so his mommy--  
  
Yuki: *death glare*  
  
Haru: What?? jeez! I didn't do the casting! Don't look at me like that!!  
  
Yuki: This is so amazingly stupid. There are plenty of female characters in Fruits Basket. Why not have THEM play the female roles??  
  
Bunny-chan: Because it's funnier this way!  
  
Yuki and Kyo: Omae o koruso!! Wait, that's Heero Yuy's line....  
  
Haru: *LOUD BLATANT COUGH* ANYWAYS, Neko Hood's mommy wanted to bring her grandma something nice to eat because she wasn't feeling good, but she was too afraid to go through the woods because of the Big Bad Wolf!  
  
Yuki: Why am I the female? And, I'm not afriad of anything! I can deliver the food myself!  
  
*Haru shows Yuki the cast list. Yuki is immediately chaistised*  
  
Yuki: Oh, Kyo, my wittle baby boy, would you do a great big favor for mommy and deliver this box of bento to your Grandma Shigure? She isn't feeling too well....  
  
Kyo: *DRIPPING SARCASM* What's with the sudden change of heart, mommy dearest?   
  
*Haru shows Kyo the cast list.*  
  
*Kyo sweatdrops*  
  
Kyo: Well, Haru never explained why Yuki is the mom.....  
  
Yuki: Hey, that's right! Well, Haru-kun? Explain!  
  
Haru: Umm...ehh...*he sweatdrops, and looks guilty* Well, how should I put this delicately.... um...Yuki is the most..ehh.....feminine-- no wait, don't hit me yet Yuki, I meant to say...um...pretty-- no!! that's not it either!! What I mean is that Yuki is very effeminate for--   
  
Yuki: Haru-kun, it would be in your best interest to stop talking and keep reading the script, so this nightmare can be OVER!!  
  
Haru: ehhheheheh.....Right. *cough* So, Little Orange Neko Hood went skipping through the forest...  
  
Kyo: I am NOT skipping.  
  
Haru: ...went WALKING through the forest, when he came upon a fork in the path to Grandma Shigure's house.  
  
Kyo: Oh, this is just great. Now what am I supposed to do? If I take the wrong path and get lost, who KNOWS how long this story will last for??  
  
*SUDDENLY,out of NOWHERE and as a COMPLETE AND UTTER SUPRISE, Ayame's really ANNOYING theme TRUMPET MUSIC begins to play*  
  
*Kyo-kun winces and waits for impact*  
  
Ayame: OH HO HO HO!! So, this little Neko is lost in the woods, hmm? It would be so wonderful if EVERYONE was as WONDERFUL and AMAZING as I, The Big Bad Annoying, Concieted and Loud Wolf was!! What was that I just said? I was reading from the script, but someone cut out my origional and obviously very stately and complimentary line and replaced it with this one! Who on Earth would do such a thing?!  
  
*All look at Yuki, who looks confused*  
  
Yuki: I swear to God it wasn't me! Why would I waste so much time over my stupid concieted brother?  
  
*Hatori coughs nervously. All look at Hatori, whose eyes shift suspiciously*  
  
Hatori: ...I couldn't resist.  
  
Ayame: 'Tori! How COULD you? You are so CRUEL!  
  
Hatori: Just get on with it Ayame. I can't stand much more of this.  
  
Ayame: Hai hai 'Tori-kun. So, this little Neko is lost in the woods! OH HO HO! I know just what path you want to take! You really want to take this path right here! It's a shortcut to Grandma Shigure's house!  
  
*Ayame points down the LEFT path*  
  
Kyo: hmph.  
  
*Kyo goes directly down the RIGHT path*  
  
Ayame: What are you doing, Orange Neko? You are supposed to go THAT way! THAT way, I say!  
  
Kyo: You're just trying to trick me anyways, what makes you think I'll listen to a dumbass like you??  
  
*Kyo runs down the RIGHT path.*  
  
*Ayame laughs hysterically*  
  
Ayame: 'Tori!! 'Tori-kun, you were right! Reverse psychology DID work!!  
  
Hatori: *coughs* . . .   
  
Haru: The Big Bad Wolf, on the other hand, went directly down the left path to get to Grandma Shigure's house.  
  
Ayame: *bursts in the door* 'Gure-san! I've come for you!  
  
Shigure: Oh Aya! I'm so happy! Take me home with you!  
  
All: . . .  
  
Yuki: Imagine living with one and being related to the other.  
  
All: *shivers*  
  
Haru: Shigure, I've been meaning to ask you....WHY on EARTH haven't you complained about being GRANDMA Shigure? Everyone else has complained about their characters....  
  
Shigure: -What- are you talking about, Haru-kun? I *requested* this role specifically.  
  
All: . . . . . . O________O  
  
Haru: So The Big Bad Wolf stuffed Grandma Shigure in the closet for later use, and put on Grandma Shigure's clothes, hopping into Grandma Shigure's bed, eagerly awaiting Little Orange Neko Hood.  
  
Kyo: *falls down reaching the door, completely out of breath* Wow...that was....a-a really really long...run...  
  
All: *hide snickers*  
  
*Kyo knocks on the door*  
  
Ayame: *In the girliest voice imaginable* Come in!!  
  
Kyo: *sweatdrops* It's me, Grandma Shigure, Yuki wanted me to drop off some bento, but I--  
  
Haru: WAIT!! STOP!! I just realized something!! The Big Bad Wolf has no reason for wanting to replace Shigure!! This story has no plot!!  
  
All: Haru, this story was screwed from the beginning...  
  
Ayame: What do you mean, NO MOTIVE? Isn't it OBVIOUS? I want to lure Little Orange Neko Hood here to SEDUCE him!  
  
Kyo: . . . I'm SO outta here. Right now.  
  
*Kyo gets up and leaves*  
  
Haru: WAIT!! No, you CAN'T go!! Not before the fic is over!! Don't you understand Kyo-kun?? Bunny-chan will MURDER me if you don't finish this fic!! WAIT!!! DON'T GO!!! Yuki-kun, help me!!!!  
  
Yuki:. . . . . Good riddance to bad rubbish.  
  
Haru: NOOOO! *collapses sobbing*  
  
Hatori: *bursts into the door of Grandma Shigure's house* I'M HERE TO SAVE THE-- you didn't say me cue line yet, did you.  
  
Ayame: NO, we DIDN'T! But THAT'S OK, you can stay here and have FUN with me and 'GURE!!   
  
*Shigure falls out of the closet, naked.*  
  
Hatori: . . . . I'm SO gone.   
  
*Hatori leaves*  
  
Ayame: No! 'Tori-kun! *he sighs and shrugs* Well, I guess it's just you and me, 'Gure-san...  
  
*Shigure and Ayame do that laugh-in-unison thing that really freaks Bunny-chan out*  
Yuki and Kyo and Haru: WOAH!! We're stopping this story RIGHT NOW!!!   
  
~THE END!!!!!~  
  
__________________________  
  
Ayame smiled at thier rather small audience in Shigure's living room. "Well minna-san?? What did you think?" he asked. Shigure popped out from behind Ayame's back, fully clothed (Thank God!)  
  
Tohru, Kisa, and Kagura looked simply bewildered. Momiji, on the other hand was up and clapping in a heartbeat. "It was funny! You thought it was funny too, didn't you Tohru-kun??" Tohru smiled slightly, sweatdropping.   
  
"Ehhhh.....hai.....very...umm..interesting."   
  
Kisa smiled. "I liked it a lot!"   
  
Kagura, on the other hand, was whining in the corner.  
  
"I wanted to be Little Red Riding Hood, so Kyo could be the Big Bad Wolf and he could eat me all up, I wouldn't mind at all it's not fair, it's not fair IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!"  
  
Shigure smiled in his carefree way as Kagura rampaged around the room, destroying things randomly and screaming about her love for Kyo-kun.  
  
"I guess I'll have to call the repair man tommorrow....." 


End file.
